Tales of the Parodyverse

The Nats/Balefire Collaboration Continues, with Part Two!


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Nats
Mon Jun 02, 2003 at 08:41:48 pm EST
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Phil, France, and the End of All Things! Part Two!


Note: This one has none of the characters you saw in the last part, but the jokes are still as funny. We hope.


The newly assembled Lair Legion sat around thier meeting table.

"So this is what it would be like if we all sat around the meeting table," Nats said.

"So, what are we here for, Fin?" CrazySugarFreakBoy! asked.

"Nats about summed it up. So does everyone agree? We should get the mahogany table over the oak."

"I like the cherry wood myself," Sorceress added. "But the mahogany will do."

Everybody got up and left the store, except Fin Fang Foom, who paid for the table and requested delivery. The rest of the team continued shopping in the mall.

Finny looked up in the air just in time to look entirely unsurprised as an imaginary weight knocked him unconscious.

***

Several hours later Fin Fang Foom awoke to find himself trapped within an invisible box. "Oh dear God, the mimes have come for me!" he cried.

A man, apparently hiding in the background of the room stepped out and began nodding. Finny couldn't help but notice that he was wearing a white and black stripped shirt. Oddly enough however the stripes ran vertically.

"Maybe it's an alternate universe of mimes," the dragon told himself. "Or maybe not." He looked around, to try to survey the land. He was in a completely white room, the ceiling appearing to be an infinite amount of space above him, and the walls an infinite amount of space around him. It was incredibly disorienting and so very very white.

While he examined his surroundings, he noticed something else that seemed odd. The already small area he was enclosed in seemed to be getting smaller. Either that or he was becoming increasingly larger.

Then he passed out.

***

Meanwhile at the mall, CSFB was looking around the local 'bookstore'. "Hey here's one I don't have."
"Here let me see that," Nats said, swiping the magazine from his hands.

He perused it for a few moments, and then put it back. "I think I'm scarred for life. Let's go look at the comics."

They headed out of the store to the other local bookstore located in the other end of the mall.

"That's odd," Nats mentioned as the walked through the food court, “I thought the mime convention wasn't for another week."

***
In another part of the store, Hatman put his face in his hands and sighed. "I'm in hell. I'm never getting out of here. I'm...I'm doomed."

"Oh, Jay, don't be such a spoilsport," his girlfriend Whitney Darkness, the Sorceress, said. "I only want to try on these few dresses."

"Doomed," Jay repeated.

"Why don't you go pick something out," Whitney suggested.

Jay wandered over to the hat section. "Ooo! A Penguins hat! Wait, this won't be of much use. And here's a Flyers hat. No, wait, I got one of these for Christmas."

Before he had a chance to look at the rest of the selection, a sales clerk walked up to him. "Is there anything I can help you with sir? Perhaps this one?"

"No I'm just browsi-" was all that Hatman could get out before the man shoved the black beret onto his head.

***

Dancer and Ziles were shopping for new perfume in a 'Body Works' outlet.

"Hmm. Fragrance of Moose. No thanks," Dancer said.

"Ahh, but then you could attract all the handsome Canadian men," Ziles smiled.

"Maybe," Dancer replied, "but I know enough Canadians as it is..."

"'allo, ladies. May I be of sair-veez?" a man in a black-and-white striped shirt asked.

Ziles started to choke. "His...cologne...so French..."

Soon, both she and Dancer were unconscious.

***

Nats, CSFB!, Sorceress, Dancer, and Ziles all awoke in an infinitely large, impossible white room.

"So you guys finally came to?" a draconic voice asked.

Nats looked around him. "Holy crap, I feel so dizzy."

"I know," Finny responded. "But it gets better. Sorta. Your perceptions just have to adjust..."

CSFB! beamed. "Wow, it's like the White Room at Wolfram & Hart in Angel! Only without the scary little girl or big panther, and stuff."

"Plus, there's mimes," Sorceress said, pointing. Sure enough a mime walked into the room through a door that faded into whiteness behind him.

"This is the most head-trippiest place I've ever been, besides maybe Con Johnstantine's bedroom," Dancer noted. "And that's a really long story I'm not about to get into."

"Wait...where's Jay?" Whitney asked.

Ziles looked around. "That's odd, he's not here...what do you think...?"

"He would be with us now," said the newly arrived mime.

"Hey! You're not a mime! You’re the Hooded Hood!" exclaimed CSFB!

"The Whated What?"

"You know, the Hooded Hood! Evil bad guy extraordinaire. Big asylum. Died a while back." CSFB! explained.

"Nope, I'm pretty sure I'm not him. He sounds like someone I would have read about in a comic book. But I stopped that ever since that filing problem." The man shuddered, "Scary."

"Well, how many mimes wear gray cloaks?" Nats asked.

"Mimes? Mimes don't wear gray cloaks."

"Well, if you're a mime, why are you wearing one?" questioned Nats.

"Because I'm not a mime," the apparently-not-mime and possibly-not-the-Hooded-Hood man said. "I would be an anti-mime."

"Anti-mime?" Finny questioned.

"Yes, that's what I said," the anti-mime replied.

"No, I mean, what is one? Probably should've realized you weren't a mime considering you were talking, but..."

"The anti-mimes are the exact opposite of mimes. Unlike the evil mimes, we anti-mimes are a force of pure evil," the anti-mime explained.

"But wouldn't the anti-mimes be good. Y’know, good/evil. Good is the opposite of evil," Nats asked.

"There is no good, just degrees of evil," the anti-mime spoke.

"Very philosophical," CSFB! replied.

"There is no philosophy, only degrees of stupidity, which in and of itself is evil."

Sorceress butt in. "Cut to the chase! Where's Jay?!"

"Didn't I already explain. He is with us now."

On the other end, if it was at all possible in an infinitely large space, of the room, the outline of a door began to form.

"Bonjour, mi ami’s," the now-mimed Hatman said. "I am among my true kind now. I am ...an anti-mime." He was wearing a beret which appeared to be duct-taped to his head.

"What nefarious plot are you eviller than evil anti-mimes planning?" CSFB! asked.

"And can you please let us out of these things?" Dancer added. "I'm always getting bloody captured. What's next, is my top going to get ripped off?"

"To answer your questions Probability Dancer, yes I can. But I won't just yet. And if you didn't notice it already did."

Dancer quickly tried to gather up her lost clothing, Finny averted his eyes, and CSFB! began to stare.

"And to answer your question CrazySugarFreakBoy! the anti-mimes aren't actually doing the plotting this time."

Ziles clutched her silver body suit to her, and Sorceress folded her arms around her chest just in case.

"We anti-mimes are actually here to prevent the destruction of your universe. We're enlisting your help."

"Then why did you capture us and convert Hatman to the dark side?" Nats asked.

"We needed to make sure you'd cooperate," the cloaked anti-mime answered. "So we made sure we had an ace in...our berets."


To be continued…!


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